It's Murano Monday!!!

It may be a holiday for most folks, but the clowns never sleep! So, without further fuss and bother, I present something a little different. The glassblowers of Murano doesn't just make creepy glass clown figurines and candy dishes. Sometimes they are more ambitious. And this is the result . . .



A gigantic goggle-eyed, fish-lipped grinning glass clown with flowers coming out of its head. Now I know what my house is missing!

I repeat our Monday motto: Just say NO to Murano clowns! Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet.

Words. Fail. Me.

And that doesn't help very often!

However, I have a reader to thank for this sad state of affairs. I opened my email and found this submission . . .



At first I thought, "a limerick, that'll work" and got this far,

There once was a clown they called "Quacky",
Who thought his webbed feet were quite wacky,

blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah,

But, in truth he's just creepy and tacky.

Can you imagine being the lucky kid who has Quacky the Clown show up at his birthday party? Years of therapy later, he only hears the voices on Sunday now . . .

Thanks for the awesome photo! I didn't need deep dreamless sleep tonight!

Step Into Another Dimension . . .

Go on put your hand in there . . . I double-dog dare ya . . .



In tonight's story we ask a question: "what if this thing is set up in a garage or a back porch masquerading as an innocent game and all the folks in the neighborhood are wondering why there are no dogs, cats, squirrels, birds, insects, mice, or small children anywhere in their part of town?"

That's because they've stepped into a creepy little corner of the world, called the Clownlight Zone. (cue weird music)

The Genius of Advertising

A conversation in an advertising agency office:

"Hey! Our client needs to sell more of this product. He wants us to make it more appealing to moms and kids."

"Yup, if the kids are clamoring for it, then mom has to get it just to shut them up."

"How about clowns? Kids love clowns!"

"Great idea! Call the art department!"

And that is how "Moe's Mortuary and Embalming Fluid Company" increased its market share that year . . .

(Okay, I am just guessing there. This is an advertising premium from the 1940s. With the huge swollen black lips, I just assumed it was from some sort of weird clown zombie corpse. I could be wrong . . .)



Poor little Jimmy, he couldn't understand why his little sister wouldn't play with him anymore and started screaming in the middle of this night!

Clowning Around At The Museum of Bad Art (MOBA)

Today's post is a tribute to a fantastic organization and website I recently discovered. The Museum of Bad Art (better known as MOBA) is "the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms."

And they mean it . . .



From the MOBA online catalog for this fine offering:

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PORTRAITURE #11

Jerez the Clown

Acrylic on canvas by Higgins
Acquired from Todd Farm Flea Market by Scott Wilson

A perfect depiction of pure evil in the guise of childhood's friend. This blending of big top themes with a piercing study of the dark side of human nature, elevates the well worn clown genre to a new and exhilarating level.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't have said it better myself, so I won't!

To learn more about MOBA, you can:

1. Go to their homepage (http://www.museumofbadart.org for the cut and paste crowd);

2. Join MOBA and receive their newsletter (I have! It's free! I swear!);

3. Show off your own mad bad art critic skills! Enter the contest to become the next "Official MOBA Guest Interpretator".

4. Show your support for MOBA and add a fantastic book to your collection. Check out "The Museum of Bad Art: Masterworks." The proceeds help this community-based organization stay up and running and rescuing bad art from dumpsters and thrift shops.

Thanks to MOBA for use of the Jerez The Clown image and all the great information!

PS: FTC compliance statement: I am am amateur blogger and received no consideration or renumeration from MOBA for this post. In other words, I am not a paid shill.

It's Murano Monday!

Just like the song says "I had a ball Friday, Saturday, and Sunday! But, it's all over now and it sure is Monnnnddaaayyy . . . " (Thanks" Mark Chestnutt!)

And if it's Monday, it's Murano!



Amazing how much creepiness this blown glass candy dish can portray with so little blown glass. Just picture this goggle-eyed freak poking his shaggy head out of a sea of M&Ms. Go on . . . you won't be hungry any more!

Just say "NO" to Murano clowns. Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet!"

Tomorrow a treat! A clownish offering from The Museum of Bad Art. Yes, this clown art has been deemed "too bad to ignore" by people who know what they're doing!

Ummm . . . Thanks Mom . . .

This photo was sent in by a reader. She received it as a gift from her mom. Gee, thanks!



Our reader also said that it started a clown migration into her office. I tell you all - Bozo is the gatekeeper! He is the evil genius behind the ICC!

Stand ready, we may have to mount a rescue mission!

PS: My blogger.com troubles seem to be (at least temporarily) solved. If you'll notice, once I outed the ICC as the root of the problem, miraculously I stopped having problems. CAUSE ----> EFFECT

Come Into The Deadlights . . .

In the realm of clownfoolery, few can match Stephen King's Pennywise and his hypnotic eyes that lure you to your doom.

Until now . . . C'mon, reach in and take a balloon, oops, I mean a cookie. C'mon now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Everybody loves clowns . . . closer . . . closer . . .



This monster has "flicker" eyes. You move the cookie jar (something mom will love) and it winks at you. Just before it bites off your hand. Ummmmm . . . . yummy!

Clowning Around In The Art World

Yet another in the seemingly endless series of clown paintings that make you go "Ewwwwwww" and "WTF?"

Sit back and enjoy, I'll let it speak for itself. What say you? Art or dreck?

The Miracle Of String . . .

Up until the 1950s or so, no kitchen was complete without a ball of string. It was amazingly useful, sort of the duct tape of the day. If it couldn't be fixed with string, it probably wasn't worth fixing.

Now the unimaginative housewife just kept a ball of string in the drawer. However, potters and manufacturers started creating decorative string holders. Usually in the shape of a head, with the string coming out of the mouth (I know!)

Most were adorable. Kitties, puppies, fanciful people . . .

and, then there is this . . .



Imagine this being the first face you saw when you turned on the kitchen light every morning. No wonder so many housewives downed Valium and vodka cocktails while the hubby was at work!

When You Send Flowers To That Special Someone . . .

Don't spoil it with a clown head vase! Yes, you put flowers in his head and it makes your house all pretty . . . Except for your frightened children, cringing visitors, and nervous pets.



Let's recap. In our first fifty posts, we've seen clown dolls, clown paintings, blown glass clowns, resin figurines of serial killer clowns, clown cookie jars, clown jewelry, and clown costumes. Now we add a clown vase. Can it get any worse? Yes, it can. Stay tuned clownophobians, the best is yet to be!

Hell-O-Ween In May

Yes, it's never too early to start thinking about the clean, crisp days of Fall when children and adults will don delightful costumes and celebrate the harvest.

And then there is this . . .



This Hell-O-Ween Cuss-tom is from the 1940's and could you imagine opening your door to this demon? I think not!

Thanks for staying with me during the computer problems and remember to spread the word about creeping, creepy, cretinous clownfoolery!

My Apologies . . .

My apologies to the friends and fans of "Why I Fear Clowns." For some reason, I've been more or less locked out of Blogger. I can get in for a few moments and then I'm kicked out for the rest of the day. I suspect some sort of computer virus and am working on it.

Of course, I lay all the blame at the feet of the International Clown Cabal. Clowns are sneaky!

I'll be back on a regular schedule soon, even if I have to use my office computer to do it!

Thanks to everyone! Terri

Original And Founding Guitar Player . . .

Of the Insane Clown Posse . . . maybe not . . . hey, I'm just guessing . . .



Yes, I know what you are thinking, "Nobody, even a tacky ugly clown figurine, stands around with a guitar alone . . ." Well, you're right. It is PART OF A SET! The sheer hideousness of it. I have another of the demonspawn, but am still looking for the third member of the triad. Stay tuned clown-bashers . . .

Just Because It Is A Painting . . .

Doesn't mean it's art . . . There is a special circle of hell reserved for clown paintings. I cannot think of a single wall in a single place I have ever lived (or ever seen) that made me stop and think, "Ya know, if I just had a painting of a melted green-hair grinning clown, this place would just POP!"



Last week I got a shout out from the totally hilarious "Ugly House Photos" blog. He had a great post from house listings with clown paintings as part of the decor. Just makes you want to make an offer, doesn't it?

I Didn't Start Out . . .

Planning on highlighting the special kind of creepiness that is the clown cookie jar. However, some days the clowns just make it too darn easy. Like today . . .



My kitchen isn't perfect. However, I think it is a bright pleasant place and nobody ever cringes when they walk in there. However, this might scare away that mouse I can't quite seem to catch!

You Don't Have To Be Martha Stewart To Be Appalled

By this decorating "DON'T." I ran across a set of molds for these ridiculous almost full-sized clown plaques at an auction a while back. The auctioneer finally had to add in three more boxes of flotsam to make the sale. Obviously a sophisticated group of buyers . . .



Moms, listen to me, clown plaques, especially huge 3-D ones, are just wrong! Even the silver teardrop doesn't make it right. You are scaring the children, making the pets nervous, and driving your husband to consider having an affair! Don't do it!

It's Murano Monday!!!

Sorry I missed last Murano Monday, I really should look at a calendar when I am doing multi-posts. However, luckily, I won't be running out of fish-lipped, goggle-eyed blown glass freaks! Enjoy!



Murano clowns, today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet!

An Enduring Classic . . .

The decapitated clown cookie jar. Nuff said, enjoy!

Am I Pretty Now - Part 2

More clown jewelry. Mother's Day is coming and what says love more than tacking a gold-tone enameled serial killer on mom's collar. I swear, if I close me eyes and listen closely, I can hear "Clarice, quid pro quo . . ." hissing in my ear.

But, maybe it's just me . . .

When One Is Not Enough . . .

For my loyal readers (and the two of you know who you are!), you'll remember my very first post and the image that started my love and loathing of all things clownish.

Little did I know that it was part of a set! OMG - THERE ARE TWO OF THESE!



Where in your house do you hate it enough to put these freaks on the wall?

Little Johnny Hasn't Slept . . .

Since we put this new light fixture on the ceiling directly over his bed . . .



And at night he screams for us to turn the light off! I can't figure it out!

Hide The Butcher Knives

If you put this clownish-zombie cookie jar on the same countertop as your knife block, well then, you are responsible for anything that happens!



Clown cookie jars - helping children cut down on sweets since 1949!

Am I Pretty Now?

Clown jewelry . . . OMG . . . WHY?

I'll just hum a tuneless little ditty in the background and let this speak for itself through its own misshapen lips.



Tack a dead clown to your lapel. The one sure-fire way to keep your coat from being stolen off the rack!

Theft prevention, ur doin it rite!

A Question For You . . .

Take a second look at this photo and one thing is unquestioned. This is the single creepiest piece of contentious clownery I have come across yet. If you even, for one second, think "ooohhh, that would be wonderful in little Skippy's room," I may come over to your house and stomp your flowerbeds. The only real question is . . .



Is this an intentional bad joke by the "designer" or a clueless piece of unintentional creepiness??? What say you?

An Aside . . .

I need to prove that I am a real human and I am really typing this blog. To do so, I must add this nonsense phrase:

A climate mangles a rush myth.

We will now return to our regular blogging activities.

I Don't Need Cookies . . .

Badly enough to go anywhere near this . . .



Another in my series of outlandish and superbly creepy and cretinous clown cookie jars. I think it may have been too near a nuclear reactor and melted? What do you think?