Friday, April 30, 2010

One Man's Garbage . . .

Is another man's garbage . . . or nightmare! A perfect gift for that roomie you want to get rid of. This is a for real life-sized bust that someone thought you would actually want in your home!

Clowns . . . just say NO!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Green Hair Makes It Okay

No it doesn't. Clown dolls rival clown art for creep factor. This one is exacerabated by being a cheaply made clown doll that has a huge body and a creepy shrunken head. Blech!

Bonus points if you get this connection. Think "Michael" from "A Boy and His Dog."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Send In The Clown Sweater . . .

No, this is not "THE" clown sweater (we'll save that for another blog post), but it is more certainly a clown sweater. An entire gaggle of clowns . . . complete with an attached 3-D clown tie for extra effect. You too can proclaim to the world that you are a freaking idiot that can't be trusted to dress yourself!

Now, I believe in the heaven-given right to wear idiotic sweaters at Christmas, but there is a limit of how much punishment I can take!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Think McArthur Park . . . clown-style. Someone left this creepy oil painting out in the rain. Or maybe the clown was out in the rain and the painter was looking through his streaky window. Regardless, the only impression I get from this clownish attempt at Impressionism is creepy gloom. Just what I want in my decor.

What is it with clown paintings?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Murano Monday!

If it's Monday, it must be Murano! Here we have a leering top-hatted cross-eyed clown guarding a candy dish with his gigantic gloved hands. Definitely an appetite suppressant!

::Mom can't figure out why none of the kids want candy::

Remember! Just say no to Murano clowns! Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet . . .

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Big Gulp . . . Creepy Clown Style!

Funny . . . despite the good prizes, nobody wanted to play this game . . .

Am I the only one who believes they fed this hellspawn errant children and small animals after hours at the carnival?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Classic . . .

For a rainy Saturday. Just your basic undead clown puppet that can come alive at any moment and disembowel you while you nap. A perfect Christmas gift for anyone on your list!

Nighty-Night and be ever vigilant!

Friday, April 23, 2010

I Bet You Didn't Know . . .

That Stephen King's Pennywise had a psycho nephew!

Basic rule, the bigger the eyelashes, the creepier and more sinister the clown. Well, this one looks like he has Unka Pennywise's spiders crawling out of his eyes. I think that classifies as creepy enough. The fire and brimstone color backdrop adds a nice touch in the photo, don't ya think?

Remember kids, don't take balloons from strangers!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Treatments For Coulrophobia

Now that I have defined coulrophobis or the fear of clowns, we need to look at some treatments. Here is one from "eHow" that veritable fountain of reliable information. This is step 4:

"Practice desensitization, a gradual process that involves allowing yourself to be exposed to clowns a little at a time. Make a list of your fears, from safest to scariest, and begin exposing yourself to the safest. For example, try just thinking about a clown for a few seconds, and when that gets easier, gradually work up to the next thing on your list. Take your time, and if something is too frightening, back up a bit." (read the whole thing, here is the credit, I didn't make it up)

Okay, are you ready . . . we're going to take it slow . . .

Leering clowns with their pants down apparently humping outhouses. All disguised as salt and pepper shakers. Not scared? Congrats! You are cured! Creeped out? Good! You are normal!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It Warms Me To Know . . .

That I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the world of creepy clown art.

As long as someone out there thinks they can paint, this blog will continue.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Murano Monday - Flashing Freakiness

Yes, it's another "Murano Monday," where I out the weirdness that is Murano Clowns. Handblown glass, made in Italy, painstakingly crafted into freakish clown figures.

Today's is really too easy. A grinning leering creepy clown holding open his full-length trenchcoat showing a bottomless vortex of weird that culminates just below the waist. If I need to explain any more, then you don't get it. Pardon me, I have to do this, EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Always remember and never forget, "Just say NO to Murano Clowns. Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet."

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Children Ran Away Screaming

Phone conversation:

"Hey, what's going on? I hear screaming."

"Not sure. I put on my clown mask and brought the cake into the kid's party."

Uh-huh, yet another way your parent's scarred you for life! (with, as always, slavering thanks to Cake Wrecks)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends . . .

Have a decorating theme that includes clowns . . .

I can't even make fun of this. Words. Escape. Me. Some days the clowns just make it too easy . . .

Friday, April 16, 2010

Pay Up and I Won't Eat You . . .

Running an international cabal requires funding. Also, floppy shoes aren't cheap! So, clowns are always looking for a racket and a hustle. Below, we have a classic "feed the clown" bank. It worked like a charm. The clown swallowed your quarter and when it wasn't there when you opened up the bank, you blamed your sister.

Yes, a perfect gift from a loving, but unsuspecting grandparent. As long as you fed it, it didn't eat you. To keep feeding it, you had to keep doing chores. Everyone thought you were the perfect child, who loved clowns, so they kept getting them for you at Christmas time. The madness never stopped, until you cracked, thus supporting the legal justice system and the mental health industry.

Clowns . . . the engine of the economy. Break the chain. Stop the madness!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Even Cake Can't Help Some Things . . .

I am the first to admit it, this blog is my tribute to the one and only Cake Wrecks. It is my humble homage to this great blog roaming the interwebz in search of sugary victims.

So, it is with humility that I present to you one of the places where two paths of cringe-worthy creepiness intersect to form something that is even worse than the sum of its parts. Yes, I am talking about the WTF confection better known as the "Dead Clown Cake." To-wit: (I say things like to-wit because I'm a lawyer in my spare time)

The recipe did say that it serves 20. As if you'll have 20 friends left after you lay this out (in state) on the buffet table. For the best of the worst of clown cakes (as if there could be a good one), check out Cake Wrecks right here. Remember, be ever vigilant, even dead, clowns are sneaky!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Truly An International Conspiracy

One thing I have discovered in my research. The British have a strange fondness for clown sweaters. Patterns abound! I tell you dear readers, this is proof positive that the Clown Cabal is truly international!

Check out this pattern below. While the clown sweater on this adorable little English boy is bad enough, it is the backdrop that elevates it into true creepiness. Who would wallpaper their child's room with motifs of dead frowning clowns????????? I think this little guy is smiling only because the lights are on. What mom and dad don't know is that the dead x-ed out eyes glow after dark.

Ah yes, yet one more way your parents scar you for life!

Monday, April 12, 2010

If It's Monday, It's Murano!

I cannot believe it is Murano Monday already. Time flies when you're having fun!

Today's proof positive (as if you needed more proof) that Murano Venetian glass clowns are just a waste of melted sand . . .

Another translucent brained zombie clown freak. I guess if you woke up to this every Monday, you wouldn't have any problem leaving to go to work. Obviously, another fiendish clown plan to get you out of the house.

Remember, if you are ever tempted by a Murano clown: Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet.

Have a great week!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Appetite Suppressant . . .

Kids eating too many cookies? People hanging around your kitchen too much? Here is a guaranteed diet aid and appetite suppressant. The clown cookie jar,

This is the first in a series of whacked out creepy clown cookie jars. I think, in this case, the International Clown Cabal teamed up with the American Dental Association to come up with a way to cut down on sweets while injecting some ooge-factor into our homes.

Notice how this monstrousity only has lollipops for a "good" child? Define good . . . I think in this case, good equates with yummy! At its best, its an obnoxiously moralizing piece of hideous crockery. At its worst . . . shudder . . .

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Don't Let The Glitter Fool You . . .

You can put glitter on a creepy clown statue, and guess what . . .

It's still a creepy clown statue. And a questionable carnival prize.

Knock over three milk bottles and you get to take this freak home. Knock over five milk bottles and you don't have to!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Zombie Clowns . . . The Saga Continues

Just because they are smiling . . .

Doesn't mean they don't want to rip your ears off to get at your brraaaaiiinnnssss . . .

Monday, April 5, 2010

Murano Monday: See-Through Brain Zombie Clown

Now that my egg-fever is back in check, it's time to get back to what's important, making fun of very expensive Venetian glass Murano clowns. If it's Monday, it must be Murano!

Some glassblower thought it would be a good idea to create a zombie clown with a transparent head so you could see his BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNNSSSSS . . . or does he have to sneeze really, really bad and can't through that misplaced and misshapen blob of glass that passes for his nose? I'll never know because this freak isn't allowed anywhere near my collection. Would you turn your back on this?

Murano clowns, just say NO! Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Back To Clown-Foolery

Well, I finally uncovered a prize egg in a game so evil that it could have been perpetrated by the International Clown Cabal.

It is good to have my life back. The Coffee Cup Software Egg Hunt, is now coming up on a week of ruining productivity on a worldwide scale.

Why? Because their software rocks! I will be using my 'E-Commerce' egg to rebuild our family business website from top to bottom. Also, the gang at Coffee Cup is usually not so devious and clown-like. The support and enthusiasm is top rate.

The ever elusive $1000 golden prize egg is still hidden in the deep and dark dungeons of their website. Check it out, if you dare. However, when you come stumbling back bleary-eyed and suffering from carpal tunnel, don't say I didn't warn you!

However, as my life slowly returns to abnormal, my nearly daily offering of creepy and unsettling clown art will get back on track. Today, I offer you this latest piece of evidence:

Case closed . . .

PS: A lot of work went into this, to create a face that only the proud mother of a clown could love. I bet whichever kid inherited this or got it for Christmas or as a wedding gift wondered what they had done to make Mom so mad at them.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Why I Haven't Posted . . .

I was taken prisoner by an evil game being hosted by Coffee Cup Software. Click at your own peril, it is addictive!

Since I can't find the golden egg, I can pay homage to it!