Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Clown Night In Rehab . . .

I know it's supposed to be anonymous, but I think someone smuggled a sketchpad into rehab (or the shelter on skidrow). Either that, or someone was having a hellacious hallucination/flashback.

Regardless, the result was more art that made you cringe when you visited grandma's house. This is one of those prints you hustled into a bag-for-a-buck garage sale, buried in an auction box, or dumped at the curb as soon as you got to clean out grandma's house.

Ewwwww . . . look at all the pretty colors and funny clowns . . . no, clowns aren't scary . . . come closer . . .

Monday, June 7, 2010

Can You Say Ewwwww . . .

Now, before you scroll down, you need to take a few precautions;

1. Put down your drink,

2. If at work, look both ways,

3. Remember that this image is from a flea market. That means that at sometime in its clownish existence, this sold at retail and hung in someone's home.

I am trying to picture the buying decision. Something like, "Hey, Susie has blonde hair, wouldn't this look cute in her room?" or perhaps "Hey, my probation officer couldn't object to this! It's a clown . . . and little Susie . . . heh, heh, heh." Or finally, "I didn't know that defrocked priests could become clowns!"

You decide! Be prepared to be ewwwwwwwed out.



::wait for it::



Sunday, June 6, 2010

Our Nation's Dark Secret . . .

The wanton abuse of baked goods . . .

Actually, I believe this cookie jar was the inspiration for Stephen King's Pennywise crawling out of the sewer . . .

But that's just me.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Childhood Trauma . . .

Is not funny . . .

Okay, maybe it is!

I secretly believe that "Pizza The Clown" is a paid shill for the local child psychologist because this poor little girl is going to need therapy. At least she is developing valuable clown-avoidance skills for later in life. I doubt her room will ever look like yesterday's post!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Ever Have A Bad Dream . . .

Where you are trapped in a room full of clowns?

It could happen!

And little Jenny could never figure out why her friends never wanted to come to her slumber parties . . .

Tip of the day! Simple equation: Clown collection = social suicide

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What Did Your Books Ever Do . . .

To deserve these bookends??

Please tell me one single place in any house that has ever stood where these demonseed hunks of molded and painted plaster are a good idea??

::crickets chirping::

I didn't think so!

Rock on fellow coulrophobes! Remember, we aren't laughing with them; we are laughing at them!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I Heart History Channel American Pickers!

Yes, I admit it, I love watching "American Pickers" on History Channel.

For many years my husband and I were dealers in vintage toys, pop culture and all-around American kitsch. My husband, in particular, was an accomplished dumpster diver. Mike and Frank take it to a whole new level.

So, I decided to check out Mike Wolfe's site at www.antiquearcheology.com and discovered that the clowns had infiltrated this excellent website, masquerading as Americana . . .

Heavy sigh . . . even Iowa isn't safe from the ICC : )

Even better, this fine specimen is for sale! However, Mike isn't fooled by this bit of clownfoolery. The caption reads: "This bad boy kind of creeps us out. Well made out of plywood and eighteen inches tall, mid-century. Amaze your friends with your finely tuned ping pong ball tossing skills." Words to live by!

My thanks to Mike Wolfe at Antique Archeology for his friendly response to my email asking for a chance to make fun of one of his pickins. Support this spirit of humor and cooperation by dropping by his website and tuning in to "American Pickers" (new episodes start on June 7th.

PS: FTC disclosure statement - This website is my opinion only and I received no renumeration or other consideration for the content presented here. In other words, I am not a paid shill of Antique Archeology or the International Clown Cabal.

Monday, May 31, 2010

It's Murano Monday!!!

It may be a holiday for most folks, but the clowns never sleep! So, without further fuss and bother, I present something a little different. The glassblowers of Murano doesn't just make creepy glass clown figurines and candy dishes. Sometimes they are more ambitious. And this is the result . . .

A gigantic goggle-eyed, fish-lipped grinning glass clown with flowers coming out of its head. Now I know what my house is missing!

I repeat our Monday motto: Just say NO to Murano clowns! Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Words. Fail. Me.

And that doesn't help very often!

However, I have a reader to thank for this sad state of affairs. I opened my email and found this submission . . .

At first I thought, "a limerick, that'll work" and got this far,

There once was a clown they called "Quacky",
Who thought his webbed feet were quite wacky,

blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah,

But, in truth he's just creepy and tacky.

Can you imagine being the lucky kid who has Quacky the Clown show up at his birthday party? Years of therapy later, he only hears the voices on Sunday now . . .

Thanks for the awesome photo! I didn't need deep dreamless sleep tonight!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Step Into Another Dimension . . .

Go on put your hand in there . . . I double-dog dare ya . . .

In tonight's story we ask a question: "what if this thing is set up in a garage or a back porch masquerading as an innocent game and all the folks in the neighborhood are wondering why there are no dogs, cats, squirrels, birds, insects, mice, or small children anywhere in their part of town?"

That's because they've stepped into a creepy little corner of the world, called the Clownlight Zone. (cue weird music)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Genius of Advertising

A conversation in an advertising agency office:

"Hey! Our client needs to sell more of this product. He wants us to make it more appealing to moms and kids."

"Yup, if the kids are clamoring for it, then mom has to get it just to shut them up."

"How about clowns? Kids love clowns!"

"Great idea! Call the art department!"

And that is how "Moe's Mortuary and Embalming Fluid Company" increased its market share that year . . .

(Okay, I am just guessing there. This is an advertising premium from the 1940s. With the huge swollen black lips, I just assumed it was from some sort of weird clown zombie corpse. I could be wrong . . .)

Poor little Jimmy, he couldn't understand why his little sister wouldn't play with him anymore and started screaming in the middle of this night!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Clowning Around At The Museum of Bad Art (MOBA)

Today's post is a tribute to a fantastic organization and website I recently discovered. The Museum of Bad Art (better known as MOBA) is "the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms."

And they mean it . . .

From the MOBA online catalog for this fine offering:



Jerez the Clown

Acrylic on canvas by Higgins
Acquired from Todd Farm Flea Market by Scott Wilson

A perfect depiction of pure evil in the guise of childhood's friend. This blending of big top themes with a piercing study of the dark side of human nature, elevates the well worn clown genre to a new and exhilarating level.


I couldn't have said it better myself, so I won't!

To learn more about MOBA, you can:

1. Go to their homepage (http://www.museumofbadart.org for the cut and paste crowd);

2. Join MOBA and receive their newsletter (I have! It's free! I swear!);

3. Show off your own mad bad art critic skills! Enter the contest to become the next "Official MOBA Guest Interpretator".

4. Show your support for MOBA and add a fantastic book to your collection. Check out "The Museum of Bad Art: Masterworks." The proceeds help this community-based organization stay up and running and rescuing bad art from dumpsters and thrift shops.

Thanks to MOBA for use of the Jerez The Clown image and all the great information!

PS: FTC compliance statement: I am am amateur blogger and received no consideration or renumeration from MOBA for this post. In other words, I am not a paid shill.

Monday, May 24, 2010

It's Murano Monday!

Just like the song says "I had a ball Friday, Saturday, and Sunday! But, it's all over now and it sure is Monnnnddaaayyy . . . " (Thanks" Mark Chestnutt!)

And if it's Monday, it's Murano!

Amazing how much creepiness this blown glass candy dish can portray with so little blown glass. Just picture this goggle-eyed freak poking his shaggy head out of a sea of M&Ms. Go on . . . you won't be hungry any more!

Just say "NO" to Murano clowns. Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet!"

Tomorrow a treat! A clownish offering from The Museum of Bad Art. Yes, this clown art has been deemed "too bad to ignore" by people who know what they're doing!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ummm . . . Thanks Mom . . .

This photo was sent in by a reader. She received it as a gift from her mom. Gee, thanks!

Our reader also said that it started a clown migration into her office. I tell you all - Bozo is the gatekeeper! He is the evil genius behind the ICC!

Stand ready, we may have to mount a rescue mission!

PS: My blogger.com troubles seem to be (at least temporarily) solved. If you'll notice, once I outed the ICC as the root of the problem, miraculously I stopped having problems. CAUSE ----> EFFECT

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Come Into The Deadlights . . .

In the realm of clownfoolery, few can match Stephen King's Pennywise and his hypnotic eyes that lure you to your doom.

Until now . . . C'mon, reach in and take a balloon, oops, I mean a cookie. C'mon now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Everybody loves clowns . . . closer . . . closer . . .

This monster has "flicker" eyes. You move the cookie jar (something mom will love) and it winks at you. Just before it bites off your hand. Ummmmm . . . . yummy!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Clowning Around In The Art World

Yet another in the seemingly endless series of clown paintings that make you go "Ewwwwwww" and "WTF?"

Sit back and enjoy, I'll let it speak for itself. What say you? Art or dreck?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Miracle Of String . . .

Up until the 1950s or so, no kitchen was complete without a ball of string. It was amazingly useful, sort of the duct tape of the day. If it couldn't be fixed with string, it probably wasn't worth fixing.

Now the unimaginative housewife just kept a ball of string in the drawer. However, potters and manufacturers started creating decorative string holders. Usually in the shape of a head, with the string coming out of the mouth (I know!)

Most were adorable. Kitties, puppies, fanciful people . . .

and, then there is this . . .

Imagine this being the first face you saw when you turned on the kitchen light every morning. No wonder so many housewives downed Valium and vodka cocktails while the hubby was at work!

When You Send Flowers To That Special Someone . . .

Don't spoil it with a clown head vase! Yes, you put flowers in his head and it makes your house all pretty . . . Except for your frightened children, cringing visitors, and nervous pets.

Let's recap. In our first fifty posts, we've seen clown dolls, clown paintings, blown glass clowns, resin figurines of serial killer clowns, clown cookie jars, clown jewelry, and clown costumes. Now we add a clown vase. Can it get any worse? Yes, it can. Stay tuned clownophobians, the best is yet to be!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Hell-O-Ween In May

Yes, it's never too early to start thinking about the clean, crisp days of Fall when children and adults will don delightful costumes and celebrate the harvest.

And then there is this . . .

This Hell-O-Ween Cuss-tom is from the 1940's and could you imagine opening your door to this demon? I think not!

Thanks for staying with me during the computer problems and remember to spread the word about creeping, creepy, cretinous clownfoolery!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My Apologies . . .

My apologies to the friends and fans of "Why I Fear Clowns." For some reason, I've been more or less locked out of Blogger. I can get in for a few moments and then I'm kicked out for the rest of the day. I suspect some sort of computer virus and am working on it.

Of course, I lay all the blame at the feet of the International Clown Cabal. Clowns are sneaky!

I'll be back on a regular schedule soon, even if I have to use my office computer to do it!

Thanks to everyone! Terri

Friday, May 14, 2010

Original And Founding Guitar Player . . .

Of the Insane Clown Posse . . . maybe not . . . hey, I'm just guessing . . .

Yes, I know what you are thinking, "Nobody, even a tacky ugly clown figurine, stands around with a guitar alone . . ." Well, you're right. It is PART OF A SET! The sheer hideousness of it. I have another of the demonspawn, but am still looking for the third member of the triad. Stay tuned clown-bashers . . .

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Just Because It Is A Painting . . .

Doesn't mean it's art . . . There is a special circle of hell reserved for clown paintings. I cannot think of a single wall in a single place I have ever lived (or ever seen) that made me stop and think, "Ya know, if I just had a painting of a melted green-hair grinning clown, this place would just POP!"

Last week I got a shout out from the totally hilarious "Ugly House Photos" blog. He had a great post from house listings with clown paintings as part of the decor. Just makes you want to make an offer, doesn't it?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Didn't Start Out . . .

Planning on highlighting the special kind of creepiness that is the clown cookie jar. However, some days the clowns just make it too darn easy. Like today . . .

My kitchen isn't perfect. However, I think it is a bright pleasant place and nobody ever cringes when they walk in there. However, this might scare away that mouse I can't quite seem to catch!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

You Don't Have To Be Martha Stewart To Be Appalled

By this decorating "DON'T." I ran across a set of molds for these ridiculous almost full-sized clown plaques at an auction a while back. The auctioneer finally had to add in three more boxes of flotsam to make the sale. Obviously a sophisticated group of buyers . . .

Moms, listen to me, clown plaques, especially huge 3-D ones, are just wrong! Even the silver teardrop doesn't make it right. You are scaring the children, making the pets nervous, and driving your husband to consider having an affair! Don't do it!

Monday, May 10, 2010

It's Murano Monday!!!

Sorry I missed last Murano Monday, I really should look at a calendar when I am doing multi-posts. However, luckily, I won't be running out of fish-lipped, goggle-eyed blown glass freaks! Enjoy!

Murano clowns, today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet!